Tech Support Girl: Archive

Alphabet problems? ;)

I love Arabs writing to our support from big webstores - very easy to deal with! They would write a message in Arabic. Of course, I can only reply I cannot read it and ask writing in English. But 90% of those replies come back undelivered because they couldn’t spell their own e-mail properly when filling the form. Problem soved! =P

Nov 27th

I ain't psychic!

God I ‘love’ when customers write software name and nothing else in the letter. Software what? Do they really think I have to guess?! Or they also like to write “register”. Do they think I’m a bot? LOL! Register what? We have like 150 total titles for different platforms. Well, of course, with 70% probability the former also want a registration and they all pretend...

May 30th

Here's our file?! %$#!

I hate it when customers send us our own software installations as e-mail attachments. Why on Earth would we need that?! We’ve got them all here, thank you! %-) The thing also is we get like 80% of SPAM, sometimes very big messages with PDF attachments, so I have a message download size limit, so for those letters I see coming from our customers I have to download them additionally and then...

May 18th

Mar 25th

Reverse Image Searching or How to find whose...

Did you ever need to find pictures similar to the one you have but a little different? Or find out if someone is using your photos or graphics without any reference to the author? Or find the original or a bigger resolution version of a small celebrity picture posted by someone else? Or check this new online contact if it is their picture, coz they look too good? Well, I often wanted the former...

Mar 1st

Pity we can't hold God liable for reparation of...

Device maker company massively promoted an OS update and we reap the consequences of this action, the more strange that the whole platform is about dying. Firstly, with system update users lost the software. Getting it back with our free-download+registraion-number licensing system is not a problem. But many bought it at the maker’s pay-to-download store which is not as easy to get the app back....

Feb 24th

Paranoid clients

Sometimes people are afraid to sumbit their device identifier required for licensing when purchasing (license is valid only for one device) and they write all kind of stupid things like that it’s their social security number or someone can hack their device with this info… PARANOIDS! That number is written right on the box! So if anyone is targeting you, he doesn’t even have to...

Feb 13th

Funnily stupid sex spam

This spam can be sometimes funny. Not that I read it but when I manually sort the leftovers after mild spam filtering rules - otherwise I’d drown yet they sometimes grab clients’ e-mails we don’t want to miss - the eye does catch some of the phrases. “My name is Giliann, im really hot ukrainian girl” - first of all, nobody names girls Gillian in Ukraine, but...

Dec 26th

4 tags

Dec 25th

29 notes

Negative thinking kills

Amazing, how some people persistently set themselves to negative thinking before even trying to see what could be wrong, if they have a problem. CUSTOMER: What is the problem? I bought the software but didn’t receive a code. What, is my money not good enough? etc… ME: Look into your SPAM folder. Here’s also a link to your codes on our site. CUSTOMER: Your codes are not working....

Oct 21st

May 31st

Americans have gone completely nuts with this...

Got this SPAM in today’s work e-mail: ATTENTION ALL AMERICANS This is a message YOU MUST HEAR!!!!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9vZhE-EB3o Honestly, I didn’t listen the message coz it doesn’t concern me but I had a lot of fun during the first 10 seconds. This guy is an awful actor, it’s all so artificial, plus it’s too obvious the speech is...

Nov 2nd

Some people need an attitude check!

How do you like this thing. So there is a bug, and you can’t solve it immediately, which is kinda the story of these days. Not to mention I cannot solve it at all, only our developers can. All I can do is to reply to the user who is only a potential customer using a trial. And I do answer his every concern, try to explain everything for like 8-10 e-mails and what do I get in the end? ...

Oct 27th

Oct 12th

You've got problems!

I really really hate when users list like 10 problems/suggestions, short, one per line, and I have to create 10 separate issues in the bug tracker out of this… Each issue has to have the contact info, so basically I paste the same letter 10 time and have to remove all above and below a single line. Takes an insane amount of time! Not to mention, when there are real bugs, I have to ask for...

Oct 12th

1 note

1 tag

If you refuse to sell, how can you expect people...

The copyright holding companies are complaining all the time about pirates and illegal downloads that steal their profit. This is the stupidest thing I ever heard! First, ‘pirates’ are not even a proper word because on Internet they’re rather Robin Hoods, pirates should be called only those that steal and sell illegally without sharing progit, not those who give away for...

Oct 6th

Sep 8th

Aug 27th

25 notes

Gotta love Chinese SPAM!

My e-mail client doesn’t even show hieroglyphs properly! LOL

Aug 27th

Aug 22nd

Give me immediately

For some reason, lately, the number of “happy idiots” increased significantly. I refer to people who demand the registration code to our software without purchasing it. Yes, they actually DEMAND it! At this we’re lucky if they name the software at all, and even if they do, it’s mostly incorrect & very approximate. Because they all come somewhere from Middle East,...

Aug 17th

Appeals into space: does it matter what company to...

I can never understand why some people who purchased someone else’s software write to us asking for re-download, registration code or whatever. I know that some who also purchased ours in a third party store together with another developers’ one may be mistaken thinking same people may help them. I also know for a fact that some people who received support from us about our software...

Jul 28th

1 note

I write like Douglas Adams →

That’ based on my earlier critic of translators post =))

Jul 14th

4 tags

Apparently I'm not the only translator with head...

Observing translators at ceremonies of Marseille film festival in Odessa proves I’m not the only one having problems with head clarity: - one of them did not recognize the word “cinéma numérique” (digital movies) which lead to a rather stupid “limeric movies” (ridiculous with the rest of the phrase saying it will transform the future of the film industry); - the...

Jul 1st

1 note

I love Finnish names!

Got a mail today from a customer whose name sounds like a tongue twister with a bit of poetry. Too bad I can’t share it :D Powered by ScribeFire.

Jun 22nd

Damnation to spammers

May all the spammers die the most horrible deaths!!! I’m fed up with that shit!!! I don’t want any pussies in my mailbox!!! Powered by ScribeFire.

Jun 9th

Jun 8th

Why planes do not fly themselves?

You know what kind of e-mails I hate the most? CUSTOMER: I paid for it. Why doesn’t it work? This is the actual text of the e-mail I received today. Proper to Americans & Middle Easterns, not Europe. I wonder why is that! ME: Because if you bought a plane it still wouldn’t fly itself, you’d need to make it fly! Download link, installation FAQ Registration link & FAQ...

May 11th

Woman's response to engineers

This is a reply to this post: Women as explained by engineers, which somewhat pissed me off and I believe mainly shows that those engineers know squat about how to normally work it with women. (click to see pictures in original size) Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV. Part V. Powered by ScribeFire.

Apr 25th

I paid for it - why doesn't it work by itself?

CUSTOMER: You mean that I should export the data to my laptop before making the [backup software] back up? Pls note that every time there is any update for my [device, firmware], I must back up all data before updating. You also say that the app itself has to be reinstalled again?.. even if I have paid money for it? ME: You paid for the license, you obtained a registration code, which enables...

Feb 15th

1 note

Kinda international support

I adore people who think we can speak their language whatever it is! Could be understandable if the software was available in their language at least which can be the case with Chinese and here I can easily miss a support request because I simply won’t understand anything. But this is a first one in Arabian ot whatever it is. It’s a miracle I didn’t miss it! CUSTOMER: السلام عليكم ورحمة الله...

Feb 9th

I'm just a poor boy...

I especially enjoy queries like this one: CUSTOMER: Hello Sir, I am using [software_name] demo for my [device_model] can u please give me the full version which has recording time more than 10 seconds…please sir …I am a college student…please sir…. ME: Full versions are shareware and cost money. You can buy one here: [URL]. Sorry but we do not do any free giveaways to any...

Feb 9th

Tumblr sux!

I can’t edit a post without loosing all the style coloring and spans - it strips out all markup beyond line breaks to its liking! And forgetting it each time I have to then delete and re-post the messed up entry which lost all mark-up! Therefore it’s the worst blogging service I’ve ever used so far! And I would be lost without ScribeFire which allows me to post entries marked-up...

Feb 9th

(That one is a winner!) Make a call without...

About software running on a phone and hiding some communication traces CUSTOMER: does [software title] keep numbers you talk or sms with from being sent to service provider so they will not show up on detailed bill? ME: Thank you for your interest in our software but it cannot control what happens on the provider side, and you can’t make calls or send SMS without using their service...

Dec 1st

Blind or stupid?

A customer requested a code change once. She was given the address of her account where she can do that. She wrote then to the store saying she did not receive it. We wrote her saying she must check SPAM-folder or settings. Not to mention that she sees those new codes immediately at the very same account page. At that she also wrote to us or to the store as if she was missing some e-mails, so the...

Nov 30th

1 note

Please remove the quotes form the code for me

CUSTOMER: You send me the code ‘123456’ but I cannot enter the ” so please send me a code without it. ME: Do not include the quotes, it’s written underneath the code you should omit them. CUSTOMER: You don’t understand me, I need a code without ”, please send me one without ” ME: Are you bloody idiot that can’t remove the ” off the code...

Nov 10th

Requests for keygens

CUSTOMER: Please send key generator software for your softwares ME: ARE YOU A BLOODY IDIOT? Or did you just jump off the tree yesterday and have no idea what you’re talking about with all the software licensing and key generators stuff? Or are you just bold out of your mind asking such things of the maker and seller? Key generators are illegal software allowing to steal what other people...

Oct 26th

Why don't you make software the way I like it &...

CUSTOMER: [A huge list of questions about various software including “why”s this or that] + how does that one function? + this one (a bestseller for display of pictures) looks bad + you must make such and such kind of software & Give me the code for [SoftwareTitle], I have all the rest registered. ME: [Answers to viable questions] + link to user manual + for it to look good you must use good...

Jul 21st

I am an idiot, help me please!

CUSTOMER: I have a wrong code. I entered wrong [HardwareID], so I requested a change but the code is wrong anyway. Help me please. ME: [standard instructions allowing to solve 100% wrong code errors - and the reason always is on user’s end the way those codes work] CUSTOMER: My HardwareID is [HardwareID]. ME: This is the same HardwareID you are registered with The code for it is:...

Jul 10th

Baby-sit me

CUSTOMER: Your software does not start recording while another software is recording. ME: [This is kinda natural]. Only one software can use the system recording engine at a time. What exactly do you suggest? CUSTOMER: At the very least your software could warn about not being able to record, and at the best it should ask and be able to terminate the other recording software. ME: Don’t you...

Jul 6th

What is your name? - Whatsyours. - Mine is...

CUSOMER: “This number is valid for [WrongHardwareID]” Where can I download, because there are 8 links, I don’t know which to choose. ME: The code is based on your [HardwareID]. You provided a wrong number. Please provide us your 15-digit [HardwareID] as shown in the registration dialog for our application so that we can re-send you a good code. The download depends on the...

Jun 29th

Forgotten passwords

Official encryption product page has a warning in bold: Do not forget your password as there is no way to recover your file if you forget it. Upon software first start there is a pop-up displayed: Do not forget your password as there is no way to recover your file if you forget it. And still, lots of people write telling “I forgot my password, please help me recover my file!” And I...

Jun 15th

Most unsatisfied customer

CUSTOMER: It seems I entered the wrong code for my product. The correct [HardwareID] is below ME: We changed your [HardwareID] and sent you the correct code. If you have any problems with it, please follow instruction on this [support page] CUSTOMER: The problem has still not been fixed … I am really sure that i no longer wish to use this product … I thought it would be nice to...

Jun 15th

This is a first!

A customer sent a reply to order confirmation and attached a picture of his cock to it taken with a webcam. That was a first! Overreaction to registration code not arrived? (dumped by SPAM filter) Since his message did not contain any text of his own, I used a standard reply to registered customers with common links… Powered by ScribeFire.

May 4th

I'm a woodpecker!

CUSTOMER (defaced message): Purchased the {name} software, as per the order # entered above. However, unable to register the program as he does not have the option for doing so. Please advise how to go about it. ME: 1) Please make sure you are using the software it was given for: {link to download page} 2) The option to try or register appears upon software startup. 3) When software is already...

Apr 28th